Dear Doggy Diary

cartoon puppyDear Doggy Diary,

I decided to redecorate Mama’s place today Diary. I thought it needed something beautiful, whimsical and tasteful. I got the idea early this morning when my master had to leave for work. He was running late and forgot to put me in my kennel before he left. I had the place to myself, except for the cats of course, and no one to tell me to get down. It was so wonderful to have so much freedom. I sniffed around the old place looking for something fun to occupy myself when, eureka! I found the mother lode of every doggie’s dream. A huge, 24 pack of toilet paper!

Wow, what a bonanza. I gotta give credit to Lil’Bit. He managed to get the cabinet door open in the bathroom where the treasure was hidden. I must admit, he has really gotten good at opening doors. Anyway, I pulled out the first roll and jauntily carried it to the living room where I proceeded to toss it in the air like I do all my chew toys. To my utter amazement, the toilet paper began to unfurl in these long, billowing ribbons. How cool is that? Inspiration took hold!


So, I promptly tossed and rolled that toilet paper around the room until the roll was completely empty. Back I went for roll number 2. Belle and Lil’Bit immediately saw my artistic vision and decided to help me. As I tossed the rolls in the air watching the lovely ribbons cascading through the air, they joined in by catching the drifting streamers and began shredding them to create a ticker-tape effect. It was too beautiful to believe.

By roll number 5 we realized we had the beginnings of a lovely winter-wonderland, and enthusiastically intensified our efforts. I brought out roll after roll creating lazy, drifting, ribbons of fresh smelling, white horizons, while the cats busied themselves in the process of mincing their contribution to our artistic decorating efforts, crafting a perfect replica of fine powdered snow. We had drifts piled high next to the sofa for a blizzard-like snow drift effect and soft undulating mounds mimicking the gentle terrain of a mountain bunny slope for those new to skiing.

After we had finished with the entire pack of toilet paper I sat and looked at our masterpiece and knew it was really good. I realized though, something was missing. The three of us, (unified for once) wandered around our creation adjusting a piece here or there, making sure no portion of the floor was visible. The underlying furniture resembled the mountain peaks so prevalent in winter scenes. It truly was lovely, but still, something was lacking.

Belle thought it would be a good idea to chew up the, now empty, cardboard rolls and scatter them about so that it would seem like random rocks were wind-blown free of snow. I thought that was a good idea so we got busy and added another textural layer. She also thought we should add random items from the trash can just to give it a touch of authenticity. Humans do tend to litter a lot, she argued, so, what the hey, we added coffee grounds and egg shells to the mix. I was gonna toss in the few strands of spaghetti I found but, they looked too tasty, so I ate ‘em.

Still, our masterpiece was not yet complete. It needed something, but what? Perfectly content to patiently wait for inspiration to strike and give us the final piece to our riddle, we began to frolic and roll in our blizzard of Charmin. We played happily, oblivious to the fact our species were at war. We tried making snowballs only to quickly realize the futility of that endeavor. However, we did have tremendous success in creating our own versions of snow angels.

Side-by-side, feline and canine together, we laughed, and laughed while furiously sliding our paws up and down, laying on our backside. When we got up to view our handiwork, Lil’Bit bent over chortling dreadfully trying to tell me that between my pointy ears, and the flipping of my tail I had created a snow devil rather than an angel. I thought that was a rather insulting and hurtful observation on his part and took great offense. Naturally, I had to reprimand his rudeness and, well, we quickly remembered we were two species at war.

After a mild, but somewhat destructive skirmish we parted ways to lick our mutual wounds. I went to get a drink from my water dish and, as per usual, I tipped over the bowl when I was finished. (I don’t like sharing!) As I watched the small stream of water flow into our lovely snow-scape my muse finally gave me the final element for our masterpiece. We needed a snowman. The quickly saturating toilet paper was making the exact medium we needed to hold the shredded mess together into a round shape for us to decorate!

Once more our feud was forgotten as we worked together with the wet, mushy pile of dissolving goop. We kept adding more shredded paper until we found the perfect texture to create our snowman. Belle found some black olives in the trash we used for eyes, a (chewed up) ink pen, that tasted terrible by the way, made for an interesting nose. I sadly gave up a strand of over-looked spaghetti so that Lil’Bit could form the mouth. A (chewed up) flyswatter, and a (chewed up) backscratcher made great arms, and my now empty water dish made a wonderful hat, finishing off the magical look of our human snowman.

We were so proud of our snow scape decorations. We had created a winter wonderland, in the desert, in July, the hottest month of summer, and were naturally impressed with our own genius. I couldn’t wait for Mama to wake up and see our stunning artwork. The cats, seemed a little nervous about how Mama would react, but I knew she was gonna love it. I could barely contain my excitement as I put my paws on her bed and proceeded to lick her face until she awoke.

Once her eyes opened I began to prance around in glee, urging her to hurry up and come see what we had accomplished. I was in agony as I awaited her slow progress to get out of bed and into her wheelchair. She kept assuring me she would let me out in a moment, but little did she know the surprise that awaited her. Finally, I watched with baited breath as she rolled her chair into the living room and halted in stunned admiration. Tears of joy began to flow down her cheeks as she slowly slid her eyes around the room. She was speechless evidently because all I could hear were little screeching noises coming from her quivering mouth.

I‘m thinking she must be inside organizing a party to show off our handiwork. I guess she wants it to be a surprise party for me since she put me in the yard and hasn’t come back all day. The only thing I was able to overhear, was a rather loud conversation with my master on the phone telling him he had a huge surprise waiting for him when he came over to pick me up. I can’t wait!



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