Dear Doggy Diary

cartoon puppy

Dear Doggy Diary,

I learned today Dear Diary that there are some really, evil humans in this world! My master excitedly told me we were going on a new adventure. He seemed so thrilled to be taking me for my first visit to a place called the vet. Little did I know the horror that awaited me. My master got me all excited about our trip. He rubbed my belly, scratched my ears and nuzzled my face all in a façade of lies!

Master put on my lease and I began joyfully jumping in anticipation of this wild and new escapade. As we walked to the truck I happily smelled the dandelions, (ate a few too), sniffed out any potential invaders to my territory, and investigated the robust aroma left courteously by the neighbor’s cat as he wantonly sprayed the wall separating our properties. As we walked I speculated about the amazing sights and smells I would find at the vets. I could hardly wait.

In eager anticipation, I jumped into the awaiting truck interior, sweltering from the afternoon sun. My master quickly lowered the window knowing the thrill I receive from sticking my head out in a futile attempt to catch the swiftly passing air. As we drove I felt my ears flipping back and forth like a flag in the swirling vortex of a desert dust devil. I would open my mouth wide until my lips flapped furiously wop, wop, wopping noisily. Oh, how I love riding with my master, watching the world fly past the window!

I barked a quick “how ya doin?” to the chihuahua that was yipping in the car next to us. They can be notorious gossips! Within seconds she told me all about her master, her chew toys, her favorite dog treats, and how the schnauzer next door was knocked up by a poodle. Quite the scandal it seems. Wow, can those dogs talk fast! I learned her entire history in the time it took for the light to turn green! We continued our way, on this pleasant Thursday afternoon, until finally we arrived.

I admit, I was a little disappointed. It was a building, not a new dog park, or lake where I can chase ducks and geese, just a square, unassuming building. Why was my master so excited to bring me here? Must be better inside I thought. As we entered the smells were unbelievable. There were cat smells, dog smells, bird smells, rabbit smells, and so many other smells that I couldn’t even guess at all of them! What was this strange place?

I looked around to see a cat curled up in a cage with some strange, white hat that encircled her throat keeping her from cleaning her body. She was NOT happy. I saw a beagle with a bandaged paw whimpering quietly on his masters’ lap. This was the point I began to get nervous. I lowered my tail nervously when a ferret sidled up to me and introduced himself. He told me the vet was his master. When I asked what this place was he explained it was a clinic for injured pets to come get help. I told him I wasn’t injured and he laughed explaining that I was just there for a checkup and to get my shots. Nothing to worry about at all. (He lied)

He said it was his job to make everyone feel welcome and asked if I wanted to play. Never one to turn down rough housing, I, of course, agreed. We romped and rolled for quite a while getting to know each other and, in general, having a wonderful time. Then, my master stood up and tugged my lease telling me to follow him. We went into a small room and he lifted me onto a steel table as two other humans entered the room.

They seemed so nice. At first! They pet me and rubbed my belly, looked in my eyes and mouth. And for some odd reason they checked out my teeth. Humans, I guess I’ll never really understand the strange things they do. I found I rather enjoyed all the attention, until, one of them suddenly jabbed me with a sharp needle. Wow. Really? Why? I hadn’t done anything. I decided to show them I didn’t care much for their behavior and promptly peed all over the table! I figured that would show them who was the dominant canine in this room! I was wrong. What that human did next was….. just…. plain …. mean!

After one human cleaned off the table the other reached in a drawer and pulled out a long, glass tube. As my master held my head, (I can’t believe he helped them) the human, dressed in white, lifted up my backside and, well, violated me! He stuck that tube in… my… butt! I yelped in horror at what he was doing! I cried for my master to make him stop! My master just rubbed my head and kept saying good boy, good boy. What a betrayal.

Finally, the assault ended. My master seemed so proud of me. Why in the world would he be proud of my being violated like that? I was shocked and angry that my master would do such a vile thing. Then the humans began rubbing and petting me like all was forgotten. They spoke for a bit and gave me a treat. That helped, but still. We left the room and my master walked to the counter to talk to another human.

The ferret came over and asked if I was ok. I demanded to know if he knew what was going to happen to me. He grinned in a vile, toothy way that assured me he did. “Took your temperature, didn’t they?” he asked. I stared at him in a dumbfounded realization that he was in collusion with the vet. “Listen,” he continued, “it’s not so bad. You’ll get used to it.”

“Used to it?” I thought. Shock smacked me in the face as I realized this would probably happen again. I vowed then and there, if I ever heard my master use the “V” word again I would run for the hills! It’s better to be a stray then to allow a human to do that again! But at least, we ended this horrible day with a trip to the park. My master seemed to be the man I fell in love with once more as he tossed my ball and rolled with me in the grass. Still, I wonder, will he betray me again?

vet

I’ll keep an eye on him and let you know.

Signed,
Curzon

 

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