cartoon puppyDear Doggy Diary,

I have figured out that Lil’Bit is not as much of a friend as I thought! I was beginning to think that canines and felines were finally starting to be able to live together in peace until today. Boy was I wrong. Belle and Lil’Bit were running around chasing each other as usual when I decided to join in. They would run full speed through the living room jumping from the chair to the couch, leaping over the table, diving underneath it, and sliding on the wooden floor, Basically, having a great time. So, I jumped in and, well, let’s just say my backside is rather sore from the many, many scratches I received.

At one-point Belle was on one side swattin’ and hissing, and Lil’Bit was on the other side smacking me like a lightweight champion! I thought maybe they just didn’t want to play tag with me so I sat back and just watched for a while. Actually, I was licking my butt like there was no tomorrow. Cat scratches really hurt!

fight

Those two cats played tag for quite a bit as I sat there feeling lonely and dejected when lo-and-behold they started a game I knew only too well from my puppyhood. First Lil’Bit would jump on top of Belle then they would wrestle a while and then Belle would jump on top of Lil’Bit and they would start all over again. I knew this game! I knew it well! As I watched them playing I became more excited, my tail started wagging faster and faster. Then my head started to bob up and down as I carefully watched their signature moves. I raised my backside and lowered down on my front paws waiting for the perfect timing, then yelled…

“BONZIE!!!!” As jumped on top of the dog pile!

I had played this game tons of times with my brothers and sisters as a puppy. Only now, I am the biggest, strongest dog in the place and won this game hands down! Belle was on bottom of the pile splayed out like a squashed bug with all four paws and her tail sticking out, yowling and hissing unable to move. Lil’Bit was straddled on top of her with his paws on either side wriggling and squirming, trying desperately to claw, scratch or bite me in a furious struggle for dominance. But I just laid on top of them both licking away to my hearts’ content, repaying them for every scratch to my backside, or claw mark to my nose. It was glorious!

Eventually I realized I would have to let them up. Uh oh. How was I supposed to get off them and get away fast enough to run without risking my hieny getting shredded in the process? I pondered this as they both continued to squirm in ever increasing frustration and decided a distraction was called for. So, I began yelping as if I was being torn asunder by those heinous cats and of course, my master came to my rescue. I leapt off as quickly as I could, while dodging the needles disguised as Lil’Bit’s claws, and ran to hide behind my master.

Both cats came tearing after me bent on slashing me to bits, but my master would have none of that! He picked me up as he chastised the cats and nuzzled my face like any good master would. The cats both taunted me viciously, threatening revenge as soon as my master put me down, but I just laughed at the impotence of their threats. They couldn’t reach me, I was safe! My master put me on my lease outside to keep me safe, and to let me pee. I relished my victory as only a dog could, and rolled and dug and ran around like a puppy should.

Soon however, I noticed Belle and Lil’Bit sitting in the window glaring at me and plotting their revenge. My bravado began to wane. I stalled my master for as long as I could. But I knew, my time was quickly running out. I frantically strategized how to avoid those spiked nails, and piercing teeth. My only weapon is biting, but my master won’t permit me to bite. What was I gonna do? Fear raced through me like prunes through an old man. I was scared poop-less! Why did there have to be two cats? They can gang-up on a defenseless puppy and tear him into a neutered mutt in nothing flat.

I got it! I knew what to do! I began prancing around, excited about my plan yipping just loud enough for my master to know I was ready to come in. I ran to the back door as my master opened the screen, impatiently waiting for him to remove my lease. Finally, I was free and ran through the gauntlet of claws and teeth as fast as I could to end up behind the sofa. I scavenged through all the socks, dust bunnies and miscellaneous junk until I found what I needed and slowly crawled from behind my protective shelter. I stood bravely before those mocking felines, waiting for them to notice the hostages I held in my big, strong, tooth-filled mouth.

Both cats stopped their heckling and gasped in shock and concern. Talking around my over-filled mouth I warned them to declare a truce or I would crush all the plastic, jingly cat toys I held within my jaws! Anger and frustration was the response from the feline camp. Furtively they conversed, sparing quick, menacing glances my direction. Fearing retaliation, I slowly bit down until… CRACK… one ball began slowly spilling bits of plastic and a bell onto the floor. Pieces scattered in a jumbled pile of debris as both belle and Lil’Bit watched in dazed silence.

toy

Stunned, Belle quickly looked up and begged me to stop. She turned and angrily argued with Lil’Bit until both finally slouched in defeat and turned towards me. “Ok, ok… We agree to a truce just put down the balls! There’s no need to harm them any more than you already have!” With quiet trepidation I began dropping balls, one by one, onto the floor. They rolled away in a nonchalant jingling that immediately sparked the impulse to chase them in both cats.

My plan worked. The evil felines began chasing and batting the balls having completely forgotten all about their plans for revenge. I learned my lesson. Cats are fickle!

Signed,
Curzon

 

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