Dear Kitty Diary,
Well diary I guess it’s about time I get you caught up on everything that’s been happening. We’ve moved, and I hate it! My human’s son brings his dog over a lot, and I hate it! I can’t go outside, and I hate it! Lil’Bit’s a pest, and I hate it! Other than that, it’s not so bad. My human still loves me the most so that’s normal. (Lil’Bit thinks she loves him the most. Hahaha the fool!) I have my favorite spot in the recliner all fitted out to my specifications, and that’s pretty cool. Nobody sits in it cuz its full of stuff so I don’t have to worry about that. It doesn’t bode well for my human’s housekeeping skills however.
We have several windows that get good sunlight to bathe in, as well as a killer view from the backdoor. I never knew a cemetery could be so interesting. Yes, we live next to a cemetery! But between all the animals in the yard and trees and the weirdly fascinating chipmunks and prairie dogs across the alley in the cemetery, it makes for interesting viewing. I wonder though, do you think that prairie dogs have man caves in their burrows? If so that takes on a whole new meaning since they live in a cemetery. Just a thought.
So anyway, this morning was rather frightening. I was sleeping quietly, when I was awoken by a loud burst of laughter coming from the kitchen. I tried to get comfortable again but the recliner was rather stuffy. So, I slowly made my way out of the recliner, I bit of a task I might add. And Lil’Bit came sauntering into the room trying to convince me to sleep on the bed today instead of by the backdoor. Pbbt! That ain’t happening!
All the sudden there was this horrific racket outside. I froze. Alert to danger, I crept to the window to see what was causing the ruckus. Grass, sticks and rocks were being thrown about forcefully by some loud, shaking machine that a human was pushing. The noise was unbearable. I flinched as grass was thrown at my head (it was an attempt to kill me I am sure). A rock missed me by less than a few inches only to be stopped by the glass in the window, which shook at the tremendous blow it received.
I quickly retreated into the safety of my lovely recliner (shredding my humans arm in the process) to await the passing of this war machine. I am convinced the dog has put a hit out on my life. I evaded the assassin this time, but what is next? Why, oh why, dear diary, has my human brought that canine into our lives? Her son keeps talking about the dogs’ training as a service animal for my human but I am suspect! After all, who in their right mind would trust a dog?
I know my human is in a wheelchair and alone a lot. True, she often gets ill and needs help, but that is why I am here, right? I can take care of her just fine. …..Eventually….. probably….. well maybe not, so, ok, I’ll let the dog be a slave for my human. No one makes a slave out of this Diva! I am too beautiful for that!
Well once the war machine realized it had failed in its attempt on my life, it left. Leaving behind a cluttered mess of grass and the occasional shredded McDonalds hamburger wrapper. I wonder if there is a McDonalds close to here, I could use a bite.I have a thing for their french fries, but I am thin and lovely and don’t need to watch my figure, unlike the pesky tiger I share my home with.
I decided to make my way to the backdoor for my daily sunbath and to see how much damage the war machine caused. I had to take an odd route today though. For some reason, the living-room is cluttered with all kinds of junk that belongs on the shelves. My human REALLY needs to work on her housekeeping. I made my way past the disaster zone and found my favorite spot. I went to curl up in a ball luxuriating in the sunlight when I realized I was sticky and wet with coffee mixed generously with cream.
Ewwwwww. I’m wet… and messy! Ewwwwwww! The dog’s not here today, so who could have done this? I hope my human gets a maid soon.
Wait a minute… Lil’Bit…… where are you? …….WHAT DID YOU DO?
Gotta go Diary, Got a cat to kill!