Dear Kitty Diary #3

1.000Dear Kitty Diary,

I have news. My human has moved into town from the farm. It sucks! I try so hard to run outside and explore but she won’t let me outside. I stand at the back door and cry out obnoxiously, but to no avail. She keeps me prisoner in this small box of an apartment. There are no mice to hunt, no squirrels or rabbits to chase and no stray males to defeat in battle. I am doomed!

I have tried talking to my human but she doesn’t listen. I get louder and louder but still she just pats my head and says she’s sorry. Ugh. I even got Belle to join with me and we cried and cried for days on end, but my human has no compassion. Belle is quite content now, but I was meant for the great outdoors. (Sigh)

The kittens have moved on to their own homes now so I am left with only Belle and Curzon, that mangy mutt of a canine, for companionship. I am lonely and forlorn. What am I to do. I spend a lot of time training Curzon to do my bidding. He seems pliable enough to obey my every whim. Although there are times a quick swipe to the backside speeds him along. I wonder if I can find a bell and train him to fetch my catnip from the cupboard like Pavlov trained his dogs. Hmmm worth some thought.

I have taken up a new hobby since my human is intent on trapping me indoors. I try my best to pester her incessantly. For instance, I wait until she is eating and then I climb onto her shoulder and rest my face against hers. When she takes a bite, I lean in and try to steal a bite from her fork. It hasn’t worked yet but is rather fun. I also climb onto her lap and nonchalantly stretch leaving my paw next to her plate. When She is not looking I extend a nail and hook a treat from her plate and run. Hahahaha that one has worked a few times. When all else fails, I just rework the wide-eyed kitten look and outright beg for a treat. Now that always works.

I’ve also noticed that now that she is working most days on her computer, she ignores my needs horribly. She only gives me a two-handed head rub 10 or 15 times a day instead of the required 40. And, she has the temerity to only scratch me for 1 to 2 minutes instead of the 5 I am accustomed to. I found a way around that though. I’ll climb on her lap and kick away the computer with my hind legs. If that doesn’t do the trick then I just flop on top of the dang thing and roll around until the screen goes haywire and she screams bloody murder. That always earns me a two-handed rub down along with a lecture, which I simply ignore. Although, I am curious diary, what is airplane mode anyway?

Well, gotta go. It is time for my next scheduled head rub and I need to plop down on the computer …

8p9;GHW/KJEBNIUF; N ;’09WTgjei/a;diuo5byqvn3’9-i0T {m}GPOEKMJIOS; R ;U;NYQ’-35IYN’GS’VEMOPT/J LJBH

Worked like a charm!!!


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