Dear Kitty Diary,
It’s Belle here diary. I know it’s been a long while since I posted anything but my human used her computer too much and it died a slow agonized death. Finally, the silly woman, has a new computer and I can once again regale you with the wit and humor that is my life. Much has transpired. Sadly, I have lost some good friends. Ruckus and Lucy have both gone on to new homes after deciding the country life was too mundane for them. (Traitors!) And the old man Rowdy has passed on. Although I am sad to see him leave, the poor old thing was in a lot of pain and ready to go. You are greatly missed Rowdy.
I find that now I am the reigning matriarch of this household and I am fully equipped and highly skilled in the world of feline politics. I have a new addition to our household, a young gentleman named Lil’bit as my second in command. He has beautiful brown and black tiger stripes that go wonderfully well with my magnificent calico markings. Then there are the children. My human was planning to betray my femininity and have me “Fixed” but I managed to outwit her and waited until she was too ill to stop me, then I bolted out the door. I ran outside to the freedom and love of a wonderful, large, black male. He may have been from the other side of the tracks but he sure knew how to make my heart flutter. And my voice to caterwauler!
I returned from my adventure older, wiser, and ahem…. Knocked up. The results of our union have produced two amazingly gifted children. The girl I have named Midnight in honor of her shared markings with her father. All black fur with a few hidden white spots. My sweet son I call Screamer. Let’s just say he can be a vocal young man. He is black and white. The best of both his father and mother. Both of my sweet, sweet babies are almost ready to find homes for themselves. I will miss them, but for now I try to fill their days with training and loving so that they will go on to become the hunters and royal felines they’re meant to be.
I began training my kiddos by bringing them game several times a day. For some strange reason my human makes the oddest face when I bring in a mouse from the field and release it for my babies to practice capturing. The noises that woman emits can be really irritating! I vary my training regime with lizards, geckos, mice, insects and even once a small rabbit. I am rather skilled and prolific after all. Although I often must remind Lil’bit to leave the training materials for the children. He rather seems to enjoy eating all but the heads which causes even more strange noises from my human. Ugh!
The babies are doing well. Midnight even caught a mouse all by herself! The ignorant rodent had the temerity to attempt to make a home under the sink. Midnight gave the mouse as a gift to my human. I guess she wanted to hear what new sound the human would create. After she had her fill of the obnoxious screeching by the human Midnight gifted it to Lil’bit who promptly ate it. Except for the head that is.
Both of my babies have taken to sleeping on my human’s head. I guess they sleep so soundly the horrific snoring from the human doesn’t bother them like it does me. Lil’bit and I are perfectly comfortable sleeping between her legs and on her feet pinning her in place like a wrapped tamale. That way the human doesn’t kick us off the bed at night. Occasionally, I admit, we take over the entire bed and strongly encourage the human female to sleep on the couch. Generally, though we do allow her a small sliver on the edge of the bed.
All things considered, life here on the farm is pretty good. Plenty of food, good company, lots of love and the joys of watching my babies grow. I would call it heaven but my human decided to adopt a dog. Why I’ll never know but she now has a puppy. I guess she grew too lonely after rowdy passed and needed some comic relief from the majesty that is feline. But dear diary it is getting late and I grow tired of sitting here while that rambunctious canine chews on my tail. I must go smite him! Good night! ………………….. Lil’bit you scratch his butt and I’ll go for the nose. …… owwwww he has teeth like needles. He will pay!