Dear Doggy Diary #4

cartoon puppyDear Doggy Diary,

I got to go see my masters’ mom again today. I like to call her mama. I love going over there. She is always giving me treats! I know she loves me the most of all the pets because of all the treats she shares with me. All I have to do is sit, stay, lay down or pee and poop outside! Easy peasy right? Lil’Bit is jealous even if he doesn’t say anything because he is always trying to snag my treats but I’m too fast for him. We may be the same size now but soon I’ll be huge and will be able to sit on him any time I want!

Mama does get a little mad at me sometimes though, and I don’t know why. Like yesterday all I did was unroll the toilet paper and shred it into nice bite size chunks. You would have thought I pooped in her shoe or something! Ok, so maybe eating all of her brushes was going a bit too far but you should never relax your dental hygiene care. Right? Then of course when I knocked over the trash and ate all the egg shells that was kinda messy I suppose. But man, they just tasted soooooo good.

Oh, I almost forgot. I protected her from some weird monster in the back yard. She let me out to pee and as I was rushing outside I saw it. It was HUGE and SCARY! It was greyish blue with writing on the side and it was floating in the air! I kid you not! It just flew back and forth and swirled around in circles in the wind and scared me so much I ran back inside and hid behind my mama in her chair.

The humans laughed at me and kept telling me it was just a Walmart bag, but I dunno, It looked pretty scary to me. My master finally went outside and grabbed it. I barked at it a few times until it squished up and quit moving (I’m sure I scared it to death). I’m such a good dog, I deserve a treat for that one, don’t you think? `

Lil’Bit and Belle are both being mean to me, but that’s not news I guess. Strange thing, they both smell like coffee for some odd reason. My master was giving me treats for sitting and Lil’Bit stole my treat before I could get it. He jumped on the couch laughing at me and teasing me because I have to go outside to use the bathroom like some kind of hillbilly. I got even with him though. He likes to hide his poop in a box and bury it like a treasure where no one can find it, so I dug it up and played with it right in front of him. Ha! Got you cat! My mama turned purple when she saw all the cat poop scattered around. She must have been really proud of me. Strange color for a human I must admit, who knew?

Well it’s about time for us to go home now I guess. My masters scrubbing the floor and giving me the stink eye for some reason. And my mama is trying to put my leash back on me, but I don’t have to pee. And come to think of it, I never got me my treat for finding all of Lil’Bits hidden treasures. Huh?! Oh well, I just get the rest out tomorrow.

Bye Diary,
Curzon

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