Jan. 18, 2014
I didn’t explain everything about this walk of Faith that I am taking above. I realize as I continue to document it most will come out as I evolve. But I did want to tell about a decision I made on the night of my first entry Jan. 15. I have very little income especially this month. The bulk of my income is provided through the educational benefits I receive from the VA. Those benefits are paid one month behind and Dec. was the end of the semester so I received almost nothing on Jan. 1st because of semester break.
Consequently this month was going to be very, very lean. I had paid as many bills in advance that I could in anticipation of the shortfall but after paying for my care giver and rent there was only a small amount left over for groceries. I was becoming concerned about making it to the end of the month without running out of food. Under normal circumstances I would have asked for help or gone to a local food bank if at all possible.
This month however I decided to offer it up to God as a matter of faith. I decided I would tell no one I was in need and let God handle it. I admit, part of this was to see what would happen, but in all honesty most of this decision was to train myself to trust in God. Relinquishing control is not one of my strong suits! Trying not to solve a problem myself is perhaps one of the most difficult obstacles I face in my walk of faith.
My budget for groceries this month was a total of $136.00. I require a very specific diet due to a medical condition and this amount was insufficient, so I gave the need up to God. This is how He responded. Earlier this month I had given a friend about 60$ to use for food for her household. It turned out she did not need as much as she had thought so today she used the balance of the money and purchased enough groceries for me that should get me through until the end of the month. I had specifically not mentioned that I did not have enough to last.
There are other items I needed as well but had not thought to pray about. One item in particular was toilet paper. I had less than two rolls to last for two weeks. It crossed my mind of course, but I did not pray about it at all. This afternoon Tom walked in and without saying anything set a large package of toilet paper in the bathroom and then left without commenting. Daily in my prayers I try to recite The Lord’s Prayer which includes the phrase, “Give us this day our daily bread.” God is attending to my needs even when I do not ask for His help.
Every time I begin my prayers I start with a few moments trying to imagine the immensity of the universe. It has the ability to make me aware of the magnitude of God’s abilities. When I envision the infinite size and complexity of what He created, then the ability to have someone nonchalantly place a package of needed toilet paper on my bathroom counter pales in comparison. Yet, somehow it is the reality of seeing that package that drives home that God is not only powerful, he also comprehends and responds to our individual needs and concerns. Who could have imagined that toilet paper could lead to another forward step on a walk towards faith?